It has been a growing season for me.
As I continue to grow apart from old identities and within new identities, I’ve had some moments of revelation and a more refined calling. I continue to have honest conversations with family, friends and God that challenge every pre-conceived notion of what fulfillment and care means and looks like.
I enjoy talking about matters of the mind, spirit and heart; they can be so intertwined and significant to every form of our being.
I’ve grown to be faithfully inspired by the lives of those around me and in the ways I’ve overcome. By no means, do I understand the mind to the degree I wish, but hopefully I can foster a sense of direction and faith in your story as I list out the five dimensions through which we can receive and restore some contentment and fulfillment.
This goes without being said, you can always reach out to me. ✩
The physical aspects of self-care, tangible and intangible, are as significant as all the rest. Quite possibly the easier of them to understand, physical care varies in what we prioritize and what we deem as healthy.
I have to remind myself from time to time that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Aside from consistent exercise and healthy eating, it’s worthwhile acknowledging the three things that have become near and dear to my physical routine: rest, reward, and recharge time (“me time”).
Getting enough sleep, a practical and likely obvious thing to mention, doesn’t always sound like the most realistic thing. I can certainly attest to staying up late more often than I should, but by no means do I support that tiresome endeavor. Consistent organization and planning your schedule ahead of time works to battle what could be an incredible feat, on occasion.
Reward yourself periodically! Remember that a shopping spree or getting your nails done does not constitute as the end all, be all for this category. I’d actually suggest exploring outwardly by thinking inwardly. Perhaps try a new local coffee shop, pick up the hobby that left you years ago, visit a landmark that brought you joy, or pick a new spot to watch the sunset. Don’t limit or subject your mind to solely choosing rewards that come and go but perhaps have the potential to manifest into something more everlasting (i.e. a beautiful memory).
Give yourself the time and space to recharge. There’s no apology on behalf of needing decompression time to nurture your functioning. And let me remind you, this looks different for everyone. Watch a comedic movie, pull out the canvases, dry your blankets with a new fabric softener sheet (me lol), or try a new face mask. I’d suggest giving yourself a time designated to you being present, without your devices. This is a time in affirmation of your spirit.
The world often demands much of us, and so these intimate moments within our minds carry much more value than what we can initially identify.
I recently created a Pinterest page titled “Self-Care,” which I look to for more practical approaches to easing my mind and body.
It’s a culmination of various routines and quotes that give me a morale boost when I begin to feel overwhelmed in day to day thoughts and endeavours. I wanted to offer another resource for you guys because I empathize with how difficult it can be to reassure and ease one’s mind, and so it’s nice to have a reliable reference. ✩
I try so hard to stand on my own two feet and remain sovereign of my own fate, that I need to remind myself, that through no fault of my own- life has other plans.
You cannot and will not be able to dictate all life’s outcomes nor manipulate every circumstance to the sequel you see fit. I continue to learn this time and time again. Forcing circumstances and relationships demand much of us, more than what we are judiciously able to give. Henceforth, recognizing that experiences come in passing only encourages us to cherish the unprecedented moments we are given (or any moment for that matter).
I’ve found considerable peace since I’ve become intentional when deciding what I see complimenting my life versus what lacks in nourishing it.
We so often like to tie emotion in support of what we believe in: I do this especially. But I think it’s fair to admit that sometimes prioritizing our rationale makes better sense long-term. To think on the basis of what fulfills you long term requires more mindfulness and mindfulness takes conscious effort, especially when the practice rings new.
Some people are better equipped, whether it is innate or learned, to follow what logically make sense in pursuit of their best interest. If that’s you, my respect goes out to you wholeheartedly. If this isn’t you, I empathize and my respect goes out to you wholeheartedly as well. There are so many factors thought upon as people try to discern what’s best for themselves and no mechanism, I’d say, is correct or faulty.
We are all dimensional in our own right.
It’s about understanding your mind enough to cater to it in the ways in which no general advice would suffice. It’s about being truthful and aware of your passing thoughts, most definitely the thoughts you give a “home”/ the thoughts you attribute value to. It’s about delving into your mindspace and figuring out what you want and certainly what you need..
What do you need?
Be unafraid to lose anything.
Everything is replaced with something better or replaced to make me better.
This is a social and intellectual truth to come to terms with now rather than later. Before you’re able to soulfully welcome new people into your life, it’s important to understand the relationship you have with yourself in solitude. There is nothing more liberating and empowering than learning to like your own company, without another validating or invalidating how you feel about yourself. It’s about looking for people to compliment your journey in this cherished life, not to simply complete it.
Distance yourself from conditional lovers and friends that do not commit themselves to understanding your mind…your heart. Don’t let them come back because you feel incomplete without their presence. Don’t let them come back because you’re afraid to be alone. Don’t let them come back because you forgot what life was like without them. At one point, you knew this life without this person and you need to believe that that time will surely come again.
A phrase I heard in a videography project titled “If you decide to leave someone” created by Miles Carter, so beautifully put,
“Nostalgia is a liar in how it montages our best memories while omitting our truths.”
Our mind can operate on the basis of missing, reminiscing, or thinking on moments that passed or have yet to arrive because we tend to lack contentment in the now, as we search for what went missing or something we never really had. This is important to recognize as we all try to discern and maintain reasoning for why we left a person and/or situation. Significant or not, the basis by which we make decisions has some leverage or prominency in our future decisions.
Do not omit your truths and intuitions by going back to what you know didn’t serve you or lacked for reasons deeper than what you may be able to fully understand or potentially never quite understood. Just because you didn’t or don’t understand the circumstance/relationship in full, doesn’t mean you negate the underlying lack of contentment.
Friends and lovers, alike, come in passing more times than not. They are not obligated to stay and they are not obligated to fulfill us in ways we cannot ourselves.
Likewise, you are not obligated to share parts of yourself for longer than you want to: this does not make you selfish. This makes you human. People who confuse the two misconstrue the idea that we can, in fact, be fulfilled on our own. ✩
Rawfully and truthfully, you cannot give to another in the absence of giving to yourself. Disconnecting with yourself in order to serve a relationship will always be a request too grand. You have the right to walk away. Additionally, don’t let someone else’s projected insecurities make you feel bad for doing so. Your feelings, despite the basis, serve as validity for the course of action you make and take thereafter. Do not be disheartened when others cannot understand why something does or doesn’t make you happy. You know why.
You do not owe anyone an explanation. You owe it to yourself to do what makes you happy, to live a life in the highest peace you could possibly possess.
A couple years ago, I didn’t understand the freedom of mutual love.
It felt exhausting giving so much of myself without ever feeling like I was maintaining wholesomeness in my own. Incredibly naive and unsure of myself, I thought that loving someone was always going to hard. And for awhile it was.
Two years later, I know that loving someone should maintain fulfillment.
It’s meant to feel right. It’s always intentional. It’s meant to leave me feeling loved whether that person leaves for one reason or another. It isn’t conditional. It doesn’t come with requests. It craves harmony and fluidity. It adapts amidst the changing seasons and prevails hardship. By no means is it perfect. Although, it will not reside in complacency or uncertainty. It strives for mutual, unyielding love. It dedicates its efforts to giving you peace of mind. It looks like open-dialogue. It’s slow to anger. It’s a love that never ceases to chase after you…amidst all your forms.
It’s meant to leave you full.
Change your internal dialogue.
The mantra that the world loves to popularize is self-righteous, self-prophesying. It’s a culminations of mottos that tell you to “make yourself bigger” or rather “measure up.”
This invades your mind as some daunting expectation to thrive in every season. Let me remind you that it doesn’t matter how good you’re doing, self-doubting/nostalgic thoughts will creep up on you from time to time. Don’t confuse or allow for your struggles to become part of your identity: they don’t deserve that leverage.
Being “happy” can be momentary, seasonal, a never-ending chase or an everlasting reality.
This emotion, like every other, replicates differently from person to person. The last thing you should do is compare your season to that of another person. Always seek out a trusted friend, a loving family member or a kind ear regardless of how strong you perceive yourself to be. We were not made with utmost resiliency, so let’s not pretend we never hurt in one minimal form or another. On the contrary, an emotion we avoid confronting for the sake of speedily moving on, only follows us further than need be.
Finding happiness, for many, is subsequent in coming to peace with our burdens. It’s after we’ve made amends with others and certainly within ourselves. It’s a kind of restorative comfort that follows grief, sadness and seasonal doubt. Resentment towards that person that did you wrong or suppressing an emotion you refuse to feel does not do the trick; this simply prolongs your healing.
I know how draining and endless the process of healing can feel.
It’s not meant to feel pleasant in every moment as the pain works to reconstruct your heart and mind. You’ll likely think differently and you may discover new desires, leaving behind old ones. Healing is full of complexities that we work to understand at the same time we are being demanded of one thing or another: so take as much time as you need and refrain from being too hard on yourself. It’ll be okay. Take baby steps as opposed to no steps. And in the moments you feel weak-willed, remember: your progress isn’t gone, you will not remain idle, and it will pass.
Quite frankly one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned:
Surrender to your emotions. You were never meant to be in conflict with them.
Working on emotional freedom is a never-ending practice. I continue to challenge the way I perceive vulnerability, as not something burdensome but rather liberating, dimensional and beautiful. It’s learning that there’s nothing wrong with being human. But it’s also about learning who and what deserves significance: particularly, how those weights vary.
I’ve learned that no closure is closure. I’ve learned that it’s important to understand people’s love languages. I’ve learned to accept apologies I was never given. I’ve learned to understand philosophies that differ from my own. I’ve learned to part from people I love, whom I knew could never compliment the kind of life I aspire to live. I’ve learned that endings can end in peace despite matters feeling heavy or unresolved.
I’ve learned that emotional contentment is primarily sourced by how you respond to people and circumstances, especially the circumstances that felt difficult more times than not. Because it’s in these moments, you decide what’s priority. Regardless of how impossible overcoming something or someone may seem, it’s about you understanding yourself intimately enough to know when to walk away…when to let go.
It’s a practice that redefines itself every time you experience something new.
Neither one of us will ever perfect an existence that tugs at the heart and mind interchangeably. We’re simply discerning, learning and loving.
It’s crucial we recognize our own soul and all that it encompasses, so that we may nourish it in the best way we can. We will succeed and we will fail at this very thing.
Failing or succeeding are neither perpetual and like everything we practice, intentionality should govern our mind and hearts to evolve in the ways it needs to.
Spirituality isn’t confined to and/or look the same for all.
It is defined by much more than the naked eye can see and what the human mind can fully capture. For some, it is a practice you work at your entire life. It has the power to manifest itself into one of the most intimate philosophies that will govern who you are and what ought to bring you the most fulfillment. For others, it may be the relationship you have with yourself.
Whatever sources your broader sense of fulfillment in this life, nurture it…pay close attention to it. Because when you’re at your lowest place in life — when you’ve lost your job, when you’ve been abandoned, when doubt consumes you…etc — your spirituality and sense of belonging to something much bigger than you and I will provide a comfort or ease unlike anything else. I’ve felt this comfort.
And in my life – a sense of spirituality gives me so much peace of mind that I’ve learned to place every finite thing below my relationship with God: an infinite relationship.
Something that has felt spiritual for me at times, is making a gratitude list and running through it during times I don’t appreciate how good I truly have it. It humbles me to acknowledge all the good in my life that has come and gone and all the good that has come to stay. Neither one is better than the other because both are redefining your soul and prompting you to the next lesson.
Just because that person has left for one reason or another or because that cherished moment left sooner than you’d expected, doesn’t take away from the sincere memories that stayed with you…and aren’t we all memories in the end?
Be thankful. Embrace your cherished, numbered days. Be grateful towards the people that have given you their due diligence and be grateful towards those that did not. Those people do you the benefit of leading you towards others that will care for you. And when in doubt, forgive them as you move forward and simply love. Love irrationally. Be empathetic. Because of all the regrets I’ve had, not one of them came from loving someone too hard…
Coinciding with my beliefs, Jesus has given me the most distinctive, righteous definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I’ve never understood a definition to be more liberating and more rejoiceful: a sure aspiration of what to give and what to provide.
Philosophies and beliefs aside, something I’d consider to be applicable to people more times than not, is this:
What we value intrinsically is happiness.
It’s important to understand where this intrinsic pursuit of yours lies. What makes you happy above all? My everlasting peace is sourced in the works of God, but this is one of many stories. He’s given me a profound sense of purpose and validity in this life on Earth.
My actions no longer feel aimless in intent. My heart no longer resides in irresolution. The constant equivocation, doubt and ambiguity has loosened its hold on me. I feel understood by a creator higher than anyone of us would ever be able to fathom. I have found familiarity and contentment in Earth’s ever-changing seasons because of the faith He restored in me. I was lost. And I don’t doubt this will happen again.
But I’m assured that I will always be pursued and found…
again and again.
Perfect peace isn’t found in this realm and so there’s comfort in recognizing my time in this life is more-so intended to love and offer, rather than be consumed in all the things I manage to obtain (things that will leave as soon as my body does). A rich life, for me, is ultimately understood by the quality of the relationships I form and maintain, subsequent to my relationship with God. The philosophies by which I aspire to sustain these relationships are governed by God’s word.
For me, it has been an internal battle of cheering on and restoring my spirit from time to time. In my weakest moments, I find myself turning away from God amidst shame and uncertainty. I often hide my sin and turmoil to God through seasons I need him the most.
The enemy wants to condemn you to isolation, to let those burdens harbor. The weight of our mistakes can feel so great that it makes you fold into yourself. It makes you collapse in spirit and doubt thereafter. I pray we seek out resiliency in seasons like this.
This is the mindset I’m working on…
I’m trying to refrain from this: “I can’t go to God, until I get my life right.
When truthfully, God uses your sin as the door to your salvation.
I want to be strong enough to say “I can never get my life right, unless I go to Him.”
It’s to say “Apart from Jesus, I can do nothing.”
Apart from Jesus, I am nothing.
Thank you for taking the time to read my most recent blog.
I’ve come to understand the importance of self-renewal and restoration throughout life’s ever-changing seasons. I’ll never fully be able to capture the depth of these concepts but nevertheless, I try to recognize the lesson subsequent to each and every experience and relationship.
When we break, when we struggle, when we fall…we come back together on a higher frequency than before. We come back with a better understanding of what we need. This is such a liberating way to look at change because change is the one thing we know to be inevitable; I work to not fear it and challenge myself to welcome it.
I no longer reside in a rat race mentality of “why is this happening to me” but rather “what is this trying to teach me”; since then, everything has changed.
My very best,